A SENSE OF DECORUM
October is national book month. Do you have a favorite book that left a lasting impression on you? As a preteen, my favorite book was Jane Austen’s, “Pride and Prejudice.” I must have read it at least five times. I’m not alone in this delight of all things Austen; she is beloved and widely read throughout the world. Her books have been made into movies several times over. Pride and Prejudice is consistently at the top of the list as a most loved book. One of my sweetest memories is visiting my sister on the campus at University of Washington and attending a double feature matinee of black and white Laurence Olivier movies. We watched Wuthering Heights and then my favorite, Pride and Prejudice. Laurence Olivier and Greer Garson were perfectly cast as Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth Bennet in this 1940’s film. In 1995, the BBC produced another gem of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth in his breakout role. Dad had the six-hour box set on VHS. We spent many vacations binge-watching them together.
I learned a very important vocabulary word from Jane Austen, “decorum.” The Oxford dictionary defines decorum as “behavior in keeping with good taste and propriety.” Having a sense of decorum is exhibiting proper behavior, language, manners, and social expectations.
Think back on your childhood, do you remember the little phrases your parents would say to you? Maybe they said, “Don’t make me turn this car around!” or “Do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do” or “Eat your dinner, there are starving children in Africa.” My dad would always say, “Everything in moderation” and when my room was a disaster, clothes were strewn on the floor, and I hadn’t made the bed, he would shake his head and say, “I can’t live like you.” Mom was known for saying, “You make your own fun!” What will your children remember about your catch phrase? Well, I believe my children will look back at my catch phrase and say, “Have a sense of decorum!”
Reading Jane Austen influenced me greatly in this area, for example, you will never find me in my pajamas and house slippers shopping at Walmart. But today’s world is very different from that of the late 1700’s and early 1800’s world of Jane Austen. Of course, it was a very complicated world in the early 1800’s; this was the Georgian era. There were certain expectations and social norms of the time that if violated, would damage your family’s reputation and surely your social life and opportunities. Imagine, Jane Austen was only twenty-one when she wrote Pride and Prejudice, yet she had a keen social understanding of the pressure to behave with a sense of decorum and in her endearing way, she poked fun at it!
The Georgian era was followed by the Victorian era which observed even stricter social norms and expectations. For example, there were proper ways to dress, to eat, to speak and engage in social interactions. Showing respect for women and elders was critical. One was expected to maintain self-control and remain calm rather than showing much emotion. In fact, there were many humorous rules about daily life, such as don’t bow at someone from your window, never speak in innuendos or puns, don’t discuss ailments or bodily functions, and don’t scratch in public. It was perfectly acceptable for a woman to swoon to express herself, but unacceptable for a woman to ask for seconds at the dining table.
Today’s generation would laugh at the decorous behavior of two hundred years ago. In fact, would I be showing my age if I suggest that there are relatively few social norms that are considered forbidden or taboo in today’s culture? I was watching a Netflix series the other day and was shocked at the topics that were being discussed so callously, not to mention the F-bombs flung about as if there were no other vocabulary to choose from. You won’t be surprised to hear that I turned Netflix off and reprimanded, in my most proper British accent, “Have you no sense of decorum?”
*Published in the Facts, Brazos Life October 22, 2025
