We may have been taught, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,” but that simply is not true: names do hurt. As a shy little girl, I arrived at the bus stop each morning to taunts of “Witch, witch, you have a witch’s nose!” To help me face the teasing, my mother said, “Lauri, do you know what kind of noses the great Italian masters carved out of marble? Roman noses just like yours.” When classmates teased me for being the smallest child in class, she reminded me, “Precious things come in little packages.”
Just as bully’s words can tear a child down, teachers’ words are equally impactful. I was fortunate, I heard from my teachers that I was a good artist, a poet, a singer, and an actress and I went on to pursue those interests with confidence because of their support. Each of us can think back to our childhood and remember the teasing, words that bruised and crushed us, or words that encouraged us and made a lasting impact. One of my favorite writers, Rudyard Kipling once said, “Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.”
Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” We must choose our words carefully when we speak to our loved ones. Think before we speak, lest we leave scars with thoughtless words. As Confucius said, “Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement or destructively using words of despair.”
University of Washington’s “relationship researcher,” John Gottman, developed the 5:1 ratio. He found that it takes five positive words to erase one negative word. His studies revealed that couples who had happy marriages had five positive interactions for every one negative interaction when dealing with conflict. Those who fell below the 5:1 ratio had a higher risk of divorce.
We hear how kids are more anxious in today’s world with one out of five meeting the criteria for an anxiety disorder. Brain studies explain how negative words trigger stress and anxiety responses while positive words stimulate the brain areas linked to motivation, and optimism. We had a good laugh at Stuart Smalley and his Daily Affirmations on Saturday Night Live in the 1990’s. I bet most of you can quote him, “You're Good Enough, You're Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like You.” That kind of self-talk was funny, but we know that words of affirmation really do help. You might also remember the scene in The Maid when the nanny repeated to the child, “You is smart, you is kind, and you is important.”
Long after loved ones are gone, their words still echo in our minds. When I reach for another cookie or slice of pie, I hear my dad say, “Everything in moderation!” When life gets hard, I still hear my mother reassure me, “It’ll all work out.” Words are powerful, and they endure. What encouraging words do you remember from childhood? Which of your words will the next generation carry forward?
Words Remembered
Mother’s words were: Don’t waste the day. You make your own fun. Don’t be afraid of difficult and hard. No one is truly a stranger if you look into their eyes and take the time to see value there. Let your words encourage, edify, and elevate others. Don’t say, “I can’t.” Try. Experiment. What are you afraid of? You can do it yourself. You can sew it, draw it, sing it, dance it, speak it, and dream it. It’ll all work out.
Father said: Keep cheered. Take your vitamins. Stand up straight. Roll with the punches. Everyone has their peculiarities. You can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear. Do everything in moderation. And don’t let the little things get you down.
Brave as Thistles©2023 by Lauri Cruver Cherian
*Published in The Facts, Brazos Living October 28, 2026
